We can say that we only despise or dread a child’s aggressiveness, that we reject just the behaviour, not the child. But in fact, when we reject children’s behaviour, in words, acts, or just non-verbally, we cannot neatly separate the two. And neither can toddlers.

The tendency to react instead of respond to distress is not a challenge just for toddlers. It is a human challenge. In fact, even many grown ups are still trying to figure out how to successfully deal with it.

Many popular discipline methods are ineffective for most children. But a mismatch between the neurobiology of a strong-willed child and the discipline method used is a recipe for disaster. Children know this intuitively. And because they are wise and keen to grow to their full potential, they fight against unsuitable approaches with all their might.